Of course it was simply a matter of time. I knew that once I 'put the word around' to the effect that I may be tempted by pastures new that the offers would come in full flood. And so it has proved, and I am now extricated from that pit of barbarism into which I had descended.
Of course it would be most unbecoming for me to trumpet the name of my 'savior', but suffice it to say that it is an ancient and mighty seat of learning that fully appreciates the value of traditional heavyweight scholarship. I must add that they were in no small way attracted to the lengthy list of upcoming publications accruing from my sabbatical on such critical issues as tonalism in factionalised archaeo-Thai and Khao/Kao fetishism in the upper Mekong basin. These shall now bear the name of my new position and post, to the savage loss of that heathen horde that failed to recognise high-level academic excellence.
Perhaps I may be permitted to 'crow' a little by revealing a tantalising glimpse in that I shall in effect be returning to my beloved Sweden. That provides enough clues to the learned in deductive reasoning.
Needless to say the fawning hierophants and toadies at my current (and soon to be ex-) appointment have learned of my imminent exit and adopt gruesome postures of feigned regret at my liberation. Of this I shall have naught, naught. Let them gnash and cringe while covertly jostling and manoeuvring to move into my 'niche'. I bequeath them it all, in full knowledge that it will turn to dust in their indolent and grimy hands. As Goethe put it, "and so the untermensch did leap and wither, clasping with clawed hands at that which was there not, yet falling finally back with woe unto that pit whence they came." Almost prescient, I do feel. Let them rot awhiles then repent at length the staggering loss they have surely provoked.
I am now prepared to receive the plaudits and congratulations of those loyal few who never doubted me. They at least may continue to visit these pages.
May I claim the honor of first place in tendering our most earnest felicitations. Of course we understand your reticence to provide detail and your reluctance to boast is legendary. I am sure that you have acquired a most substantive post as befits your record and we quiver in anticipation of your upcoming publications.
ReplyDeleteNever doubted you for a minute. There is justice in this blighted orb and her kind hand has brushed your erudite sleeve.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if you need a diligent research assistant to ease the burden from your shoulders? Post-Doc philologist of course.
ReplyDeleteNot so fast my dear Hempel. Can you recommend a reliable relocation service (Germany-Sweden)? They must be meticulosly careful in transporting delicate objets and antique furniture. I shall expect professional testimonials of course. Respond forthwith.
ReplyDeleteHow tedious for you to be bogged down in the mundane. Can you not delegate such tiresome duties to some firm who specialises in these affairs? But of course, given the precious nature of your collections you must give constant and meticulous oversight to these necessary preconditions to your relocation. Ah me, 'tis a bore.
ReplyDeleteMay I have your parking space and photocopying allowance?
ReplyDeleteCongratualtions upon your 'release'. I wonder if you would be willing to present a paper at the annual convocation of the Indian Philological Association (IPA) this year held in Hyderabad between 14-19 October? (Full expenses as usual). We would be most honoured to announce your impending presence which would guarantee the proceedings to be 'first class'. We already have treats in store in the areas of Punjabi adverb shifts and Pushtun familiars in post-colonial trading relations. Plus of course, Prof Dr Swathiswami will be revisting his ever-popular keynote paper on neo-Dravidian conjunctives on the internet!
ReplyDeleteWe hope that you can find it in your heart to grace our humble proceedings
Not old Swathiswami again! I've heard him present this same paper 5 times now and on the last 2 occasions nobody could think up a new question to ask at the end, most embarrassing. In desperation the conference organisers asked him to list his Top 5 fruit! My tip is to sit at the back so you can slip out when he arrives, and visit the city's fascinating Mugli museum instead.
ReplyDeleteSound advice.Even his fruit were philologically suspect.
ReplyDeleteIn what way, I am compelled to wonder, might fruit be viewed as 'philologically suspect? Is it the etymological roots of 'tangerine', perhaps? Or could it be some schismatic pseudo-orthodoxy challenging the very nature of established taxonomy? I smell dissentism.
ReplyDeleteFruit may indeed be philologically suspect if they deviate fron established taxonomic forms. A selection that conflates Indo-Thai subsets with Southern Romance, for instance. I once witnessed an entirely Ungaro-Finnish/Urdu mishmash of quite horrifying proportions, I was forced to leave the room.
ReplyDelete