I find myself in need of some measure of menial academic assistance. 2, possibly 3 positions as interns should do it. Candidates should be educated to postgraduate (though not necessarily doctoral) level in a civilised discipline, be meticulously polite and deferential, and possess whatever organizational or research skills I deem fit. I would expect a minimum fluency in at least 3 major European languages (certainly not the lesser 'dialects') and certificates of hygiene and health from bespoke medical personnel.
Applicants from good family should send me their full curriculum vitae preceded by a 50 character synopsis to allow me to decide whether or not to endure the lengthy version. Photographs are required, as I am not by temperament inclined to share my 'space' with the aesthetically challenged. References from substantive academics (3) are required.
Extreme flexibility is essential, so that successful candidates may be able to rapidly respond to my whims at any time of the day or night. Candidates should be under no illusion that their thoughts and opinions are required - they are not. Total unquestioning compliance is essential.
It seems unnecessary to point out entering my service should in itself provide sufficient reward those candidates deemed successful and, as such, no pecuniary emoluments shall be involved.
Oh my dear fellow, I trust that sifting through the legions of applicants was not too arduous. My thoughts go out to you.
ReplyDeleteSuch a bind, finding the right sort.
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